Saturday, February 23, 2013

Reasons Why He/She Didn't Text You Back


Have you ever sent a text to someone only to have it rudely ignored? This happens to me a lot! Now being that I’m a total narcissist, know the reasons I get ignored aren’t because of me. Here are some very real reasons why your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, mailman, lab partner etc. didn’t text you back.

1)      They saw your text and got so excited they fainted then hit their head. They are in a comma and will text you as soon as they wake up.

2)      They got carpel tunnel syndrome, as much as they like you it just hurts too much to text you back.

3)      They can’t read and are too ashamed to tell you.

4)      They gave up texting for lent.

5)      They decided to become Amish, they will explain the next time they see you.

6)      Your last text was so witty and funny they don’t want to embarrass themselves with a boring response.

7)      They are painfully boring and are pretending to be busy.

8)      They broke all their fingers in a freak accident and they don’t have Siri.

9)      They got your text in class and the professor made them read it out loud. Now the thought of texting you back makes them relive that painful experience.

10)   They are worried that their phone is being tracked by the government so they have it off at all times.

11)   Their phone got stolen by a bunch of hooligans.

12)   They don’t watch girls so they don’t understand a text with the emoji panda, gun and a present.

13)   They prefer to only talk in person (you are better off with that sick fuck out of your life).

14)   They don’t understand sarcasm via text so they think you are always mad at them.

15)   They got shot in the head in a gang fight and they don’t remember who you are.

16)   They dropped their phone down a flight of stairs; they are selling their blood to pay for a new one just to text you back.

17)   They have food on their hands and they don’t want to get it on their phone.

18)   They are pooping and only like to text you during classy moments of their life

19)   For snapchat: They got your picture when they looked a hot mess they are busy brushing their hair.

20)   They are dead RIP.

Those are clearly the only reasons why someone wouldn’t text back someone as fabulous as you! Be sure to follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Alyssa_Channin and tumblr http://xdalyssaxd.tumblr.com/ and if you need to stalk my life more I have an Instagram too Alyssa1620.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Best Texts of January 2013

I'm getting really lazy and don't feel like writing alot for this blog post, so I decided do another "best texts post".  My friends never fail to crack me up and every one of these text messages made me laugh out loud. Once again I’ll keep everything anonymous, but read them and see if you see yourself in here. Best texts of Jan in no particular order:
 
                                              We talk about animal poop a lot... 
 
 
The best parties are the ones that don't require pants...
 
 
 
 
The epic whale shit....
 
 
 
 
That's one way of making things awkward...
 
 
 
 
Some people don't care about feelings....
 
 
 
 
Somebody isn't in the mood to talk....
 
 
 
What lovely words to say in your bra's memory....
 
 
 
 
Best idea ever...
 
 
 
Snapchats from a ailurophile.....
 
 
 
 
So there are some of the funniest text messages I've gotten this month. I love doing things like this because it shows my friends are just a weird and fun as me. I promise I'll do another blog post that actually has stuff written by me soon. I started a thing called "drunk blogging" and I'd like to get some of those up soon. The only problem is drunk writing is alot like drunk texting and it is a bitch to edit. Remember to follow me on Twitter https://twitter.com/Alyssa_Channin and Tumblr www.xdalyssaxd.tumblr.com
 

Friday, January 18, 2013

How To Be a Little Less Awkward


Hello there, happy 2013! So since I’m going back to school this week I thought I should write a post about something. I was looking at my stats on this blog and twitter and I’ve come to the conclusion that people seem to enjoy my socially awkwardness. I have terrible social etiquette and tend to make all the people around uncomfortable. If you are one of those people that I offend with my social awkwardness IM SORRY AND I PROMISE IM LEARNING FROM IT! Well sort of. Here is a short list of some of the things I’ve learned over this winter break.

1)      If you are going to wear spanks to a party, commit to it. You can’t decide half way through the night to take them off in the bathroom and put them in your purse. It’s not classy.

 

2)      It’s not up to you to fill all the awkward silences. Awkward silences can be well…awkward, but that doesn’t mean you have to fill it with a random fact about your life. Everyone would rather deal with a little bit of silence then know that you haven’t washed your hair in a few days. Let someone else change the topic.

 

3)      If you see a cute guy at a party/bar, don’t stand outside the bathroom while he is in there. It’s creepy.

 

4)      If you invite your friends over your house, you have to wear pants.

 

5)      Celebrities can pull off the grunge look, you cannot. You have to brush your hair before you go to work.

 

6)      When talking to strangers about penguins, you don’t have to tell them how often they poop. Especially when they didn’t ask.

 

7)      Just because you worked at a Chipotle once, doesn’t give you the right to go through their cabinets to look for cup lids.

 

8)      Don’t open a jar of pickles and eat it in the backseat of someone else’s car (Sorry Sara).

 

9)      The office is no place for a mustache T-shirt.

 

10)   Ask people if they have read the book/ seen the movie, before you complain about the ending.

 

11)   You can’t just randomly quote T.V a show especially if the people you are with don’t watch it.

 

I thought I was going to have better/funnier things to put on this list, but as soon as I went to write stuff down I couldn’t think of anything good. If I remember better ones I’ll add them.  In the meantime follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Alyssa_Channin and tumblr http://xdalyssaxd.tumblr.com/.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Texts From 2012

So I got this idea a couple of days ago but I haven’t had the time to do it until now. All throughout the year I’ve received texts from my friends and family members that made me laugh out loud. When I get a funny text, or have a funny conversation I always take a screen shot so I can save it. I’m keeping all of these texts anonymous, so the people who text me don’t get offended and keep sending those funny texts that make me smileJ. Here are some of the funny texts I have from 2012. Some of them won’t make you laugh cause you might not have the maturity of a 12 year old boy like I do.

                                   Miscommunications are always awkward......

 
                                           Living the American dream......

 
                                     Funding for school is hard to come by......


                                     Great idea for Hunger Games snacks.....


                                        Be a Glee fan or die......


                                      Beautiful words to say at a funeral.....

 
 
                                     When did too much coffee become sexual.....


                                     Facts about Cheese Wiz......

 
One perecent problems..... 
 
 
Good friends don't question.....

 
Honey Boo Boo says hello.....

 
Pretty good comparison......

 
Always nice to have sentimental value......


Good friends always help out.....
 

So there are some of my favorite texts from 2012. Keep sending me funny messages people, I love them ! Also be sure to follow me on Twitter https://twitter.com/Alyssa_Channin. Also no one follows me on Tumblr, it is  just sad so follow me on that too xdalyssaxd.tumblr.com.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Rejection Hurts !

            So as you all know by now I am on a quest to find something to do with my summer ( I would love to spend my summer scaring my dad but that doesn’t pay and makes him super cranky). I’ve been applying to every place I can think of. I’ve contacting places for marketing internships and handed in applications to every part time job. Let me tell you something applications are the worst thing to fill out! They take forever and you have to answer the same thing OVER AND OVER again!
               Everyone knows how the job application process goes, if they like you they will call you in for a interview and if they don’t then you won’t hear from them. But the strangest thing happened to me the other day. I applied to a food store called Trader Joes, It’s not my dream job but it’s close to my home and it’s a way of making some money. One thing they made me do that I absolutely hate is they made me fill out the application in the store. I hate that because like I said they take forever to fill out and you always have to look up phone numbers and addresses for your references, doing all that while standing at a store counter is just awkward with employees moving around you and customers ask you questions thinking you work there. So after I finished the application and handed it in the manager started to ask me a few questions about why I wanted to work there. First of all my I was with my friend and we both applied at the same time so it was weird that they asked us questions together, like we were doing a double interview. I also hate answering the question why do I want to work here for a part time job like that. What am I supposed to say? “I love bagging groceries” “I have a passion for stocking tomatoes” no it’s a friggin part time job! I want to work there because I need money and have no skills to offer in the real world!
         As you can tell I clearly wasn’t cut out for this job. The whole reason I’m doing a blog post on this is the way they rejected me. I applied for the job on Wednesday afternoon and by Friday morning I received a letter in the mail. The letter said “Dear Alyssa, Thank you for taking the time to explore a crew position with Trader Joe’s. After Careful consideration, however, you have not been selected for an interview. The time you spend exploring the opportunity here at Trader Joe’s is appreciated. We’re thrilled that you enjoy our stores enough to explore a career with us, and I hope that you continue to find new and interesting products to enjoy. Best of luck in the job search.”

               I read the letter and actually laughed out loud with my family. My dad asked me if I accidently applied for the CEO of the company instead of the cashier. I’ve never heard of getting a rejection letter for a part time job. Why would they take the time to reject me like that? They should have just not called me like the rest of the world. The rejection letter made me laugh and I took a picture of it so the rest of the world can laugh with me!

Keep checking my blog for more random stories about my life that I think are laugh out loud worthy!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Why You Shouldn't Scare Old People

So I thought of a funny story that might make for a good blog post. Okay so, I’ve been on summer vacation for a week now and none of my friends are home, my sisters are in school and I have no job. As you can see I’m starting to get bored. So today my dad came home after 3 and I was still chillen in my jammies ( that’s what I call pajamas ) and he was basically like “OH MY GOD WOULD YOU GET DRESSED AND SPEND SOME TIME OUTSIDE PLEASE!” he seemed pretty angry so I thought it would be a good idea to listen to him. I got dressed and my sister and I went for a walk to get some coffee. When we got back from our walk I thought it would be a good idea to scare my dad. We looked in the window of our den and saw he was sleeping while watching golf (honestly who can stay awake watching golf! It hast to be the most boring sport I’ve ever seen). Anyways I saw this as the perfect opportunity to scare him so I ran into the back yard and went up to our back door that you can see from the den and I banged on the door really loud and starting shouting. He was so “startled” he jumped right out of his chair and when he landed he did this weird hoping run and then he fell. Now I’m hysterical laughing because that was the best reaction I’ve ever seen but it turns out he actually got really hurt he must have sprained something in his hamstring because he has trouble walking now. To make matters worse he plays a lot of golf and he has a big golf tournament next Saturday and he doesn’t think he can play. So I pretty much ruined his life and that’s why he hates me haha. Hope you enjoyed this blog post! I thought this story was laugh out loud worthy.
p.s
I made my dad a nice ice pack and I cooked him dinner so he isn’t as mad anymore. I’m hoping he will be better for his tournament next week! But lesson learned don't scare old people cause they can hurt themselves

Remember you can follow me on twitter  https://twitter.com/#!/Alyssa_Channin
And my tumblr page is getting kind of sad with my only 2 followers http://xdalyssaxd.tumblr.com

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I Suck at Blogging

So it’s been a while since I posted anything on here. I meant to write more but I got caught up with that pesty thing called school and didn’t really have time for anything else. Well now I’m glad to say I’m officially on SUMMER VACATION!! And it is awesome! Most of my friends aren’t home yet so I’ve been spending my summer days sleeping and eating watching movies and reading tween books. I couldn’t be any happier. It is so nice not to have to worry about studying or doing home work and projects I just get to do whatever I wantJ. I must start looking for a summer job though because I’m pretty sure if my dad comes home at 6pm and finds me in my jammies he might kill meL. I don’t understand what the rush is I worked really hard this semester and if I want to spend a few days in bed who is it going to hurt hahaha.

So anyways this blog post doesn’t really have a purpose since I’ve done nothing with my life, but I thought I might as well write down something. I promised myself I would keep this blog going no matter how painfully boring it is. Since I haven’t said anything laugh out loud worthy in this blog post I might as well list some funny movies that I’ve been watching this summer that made me laugh out loud.

Tower Highest

Good Burger

21 Jump Street

Zoolander

Happy Gilmore

50 First Dates

Tangled

So that’s my lame attempt to keep myself blogging! I’m hoping that I’ll get better at it. Also check out the tumblr I made where I just reblog things and nothing is original!!! http://xdalyssaxd.tumblr.com/ and follow me on twitter here https://twitter.com/#!/Alyssa_Channin I promise I’m much more witty in 140 characters or less!!!